Great Q... Great A...

10 stupid questions people usually ask in obvious
situations and some equally stupid answers:-

1.At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well,it's so hot , there were no cool cabs
so I
thought i'd watch
some
advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.


2.In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed
high-heeled shoes
steps on your
feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local
anesthesia.....why don't
you try
again or
shpould i try this time."

3.At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why?Would it rather have been you?

4.At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer:-No, its teribble and made of adulterated
cement.We
occasionaly also
spit
in it.

5.At a family get-together.When some distant aunt
meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so
big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk
yourself.

6.When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,
insensitive
lout...it's just the
money.

7.When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping.
Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at
Sharjah and just
when you
called
Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would
win.What
do you think?

8.When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9.At the dentist when he's sticking pointed oblects
in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if
I bite.

10.You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a
chalk and now it's in
flames!!!

one liner`s

Subject: [kjscoe] One Liners..

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin
with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up
your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that
you had set it free ....... You either married it
or gave birth to it.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day,
someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would
put them down and
forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of
candy can make a
woman gain 5lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves
completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear
tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that
when you don't know what
you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight
because by then, your body
and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along
came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I
regain consciousness.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for
awhile and it shrinks two
sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say
things like, "You know,
sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've
forgotten my address, my mother's
maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten
to eat. You have to be a special kind of
stupid to forget to eat.

The trouble with some women is that they get all
excited about nothing and then
they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms
of stress are:
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too
fast.
Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect
day.

If men can run the world, why can't they stop
wearing neckties? How intelligent
is it to start the day by tying a noose around
your neck?

from
sriram

neighbour`s

God was in the process of creating the
> > > > > >universe. And he was explaining to
> > > > > >his subordinates ........
> > > > > >
> > > > > >"Look everything should be in balance.
> > > > > >For example, after every 10 deer there should
> > > > > >be a lion.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Look here my fellow angels; here is the country
> > > > > >of the United States. I have blessed them with
> > > > > >prosperity and money.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >But at the same time, I have given them
> > > > insecurity and
> > > > > >tension....
> > > > > >
> > > > > >And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful
> > > > > >nature. But at the same time, I have given them
> > > > > >climatic extremes....
> > > > > >
> > > > > >And here is South America. I have given them
> > > > > >lots of forests. But at the same time, I have
> > > > given
> > > > > >them lesser land so that they would have to
> > > > > >cut off the forests...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >So you see fellows, everything should be in
> > > > > >balance.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >" One of the angels asked... "God, what is this
> > > > > >extremely beautiful country here?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > >God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece
> > > > > >of all INDIA.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >My most precious creation. It has understanding
> > > > > >and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene
> > > > > >mountains. A culture, which speaks of the great
> > > > > >tradition that they live. Technologically
> > > > > >brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
> > > > > >
> > > > > >"The angel was quite surprised "But God you
> > > > > >said everything should be in balance."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >God replied - "Look at the neighbours, I gave
> > > > > >them."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >P.S. - PASS IT TO AS MANY INDIANS YOU KNOW.
> > > > > >!!!!Vande Mataram!!!!!

telegrams

Subject: Telegrams



Beware when communicating via telegrams......

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed
exams, which the father receives as
Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a
telegram to his wife "I wish you were here." The message received by wife, "I
wish you were her."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her
husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last
ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue,she offered her
berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as "Shall
be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train,gave birth to an old lady."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to
order a birthday cake.The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the
cake. Well he thinks for a while and says let's put, "you are not getting older
you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The
man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and You are getting
better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the
entire party watched the
message decorated on the cake
"You are not getting older at the top You are getting better at the bottom"

santa strikes back

>>>>>>Subject: Santa Strikes back again!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh "Santa Darling,
>>>>>> if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
>>>>>> "Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?"
>>>>>> ------------------------------------------------
>>>>>> Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes
>>>>>> tested and asked,
>>>>>> "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
>>>>>> "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
>>>>>> "Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,"I have
>>>>>> been illiterate for so long."
>>>>>> -----------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>> Mr. Jaswant singh went to a grocery stores collected
>>>>>> the grocery and came to the counter and person at
>>>>>> THE counter started preparing bill for the items.
>>>>>> Singh asked " Where is the fat ?"
>>>>>> The person didn't understand what Singh was saying and said"
>>>>>> Excuse me
>>>>>> sir, FAT???"
>>>>>> Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat"
>>>>>> Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and
>>>>>> all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there
>>>>>>and
>>>>>> asked Sardar
>>>>>> about the problem.
>>>>>> Then sardar said "Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from
>>>>>> your stores
>>>>>> and it was written 'FAT FREE' on that but this guy is not
>>>>>> giving me the fat.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>> This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the
>>>>>> Dinosaurs start
>>>>>> approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend
>>>>>> asks him
>>>>>> "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema
>>>>>> hi to hai."
>>>>>> Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, patahai ki
>>>>>> cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

more of santa singh

BANTA SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE.
> > Friend: What are you looking at?
> > Banta Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
> > Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
> > Banta Singh: four asterisks!
> >
> > BANTA SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.
> > Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
> > Banta Singh: 9
> > Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
> > Banta Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure,
> > the
> > answer is 6!!
> >
> > BANTA SINGH'S MOTHER DIED.
> > Banta Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my mother is dead.
> > Friend: condolence, my friend.
> > After 2 minutes Banta Singh cries even louder
> > Friend: what now?
> > Banta Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!
> >
> > BANTA SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON.
> > Banta Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
> > Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
> > Banta Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
> >
> > BANTA SINGH STUCK ON THE ELEVATOR.
> > Lotta Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs
> > because
> > of a power failure.
> > Banta Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3
> > hrs.
> >
> >
> > SANTA SINGH AND THE HIDDEN CAMERAS
> > Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching high and low, all
> > over the living room.
> > She asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?"
> > Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
> > Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"
> > Santa: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television
> > saying
> > ..'You are watching the Star World channel'? "How can he know what I
> > am
> > watching?"
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>

few truth of life

some of these are nice....do read till the end!!



When a wife was asked: What book do you like the
best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book..

Living on Earth
may be expensive,
but it includes an annual free trip around the
Sun..

Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep !

Love is photogenic;
it needs darkness to develop...

A good discussion
is like a miniskirt;
Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to
cover
the subject

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ?
Who's in a hurry ?

Work fascinates me
I can look at it for hours !

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends

Children in backseats cause accidents;
Accidents in backseats cause children !

A girl is like a road;
The more curves she has the more dangerous she is!

A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the
street at a wrong
place
and
shouts
Why are you crossing here?
Can't you see a zebra crossing there?
The guy replies Let the zebra cross.
What can I do?

Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front
of board which
said
"FINE FOR PARKING".

A drunk was hauled into court.
Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here
for drinking..
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?

Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting..

Whom are you working for?
Same people. My wife and four kids..

I heard you have a cat that can say her own name..
Yes. Meow..

No one has ever complained of a parachute not
opening..

Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are
staying married
just
to
be different..

ford vs god

Subject: GOD Vs FORD!!!

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford,
and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your
invention...the assembly line for the automobile...changed the world."

As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want." Ford
thinks about it, and says, - "I want to hang out with God Himself."
So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and
introduces him to God.

Ford then asks God, - "When you invented Woman, what were You thinking?"

God asks, "What do you mean?"

"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission for at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.
Just to name a few."

Hmmm...," replies God, "Hold on a minute." God goes over to the Celestial
Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In
no time the computer prints out a report, and God reads it.

God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed,
but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than
yours.
from
kavita

jokes

Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the
states.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the
pilot
screamed "the runway is ending...". The second pilot
swiftly gets the
plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and
start descending
again.
The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream
again "Get the plane
up,the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the
air...
They make a big turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again...

During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at
those stupid
Americans,they build this huge & expensive airport but
with such a
short runaway..",
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it...."

-=-=-=-=-=-

A Surd prime minister visited the president of the
neighbouring country
and complained about all this jokes about surds that
others tell each
other.
"This leads to the impression that all surds are
stupid," the said.
"You should not take this so earnest," answered the
neighbouring
minister.
"These are only jokes and not true stories. And there
are also stupid
people in our country. I will prove it to you."
Saying so he went to his driver and said: "Please
drive to my home and
find out, whether I am at home. "The driver
immediately went on his
way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: ""He is very
stupid indeed.
There is a public phone just at the corner. It would
have been easier
to ring."

-=-=-=-=-=-

A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper.
Once he was
travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway
department
improvements.His coach was the last coach in the
train. The train was
moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking
heavily. This made
him not to prepare for the speech.
Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his
first point towards
improvement of railway department was "There should
not be last coach
in any train."
from
gokhale sir

jokes

Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the
states.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the
pilot
screamed "the runway is ending...". The second pilot
swiftly gets the
plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and
start descending
again.
The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream
again "Get the plane
up,the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the
air...
They make a big turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again...

During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at
those stupid
Americans,they build this huge & expensive airport but
with such a
short runaway..",
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it...."

-=-=-=-=-=-

A Surd prime minister visited the president of the
neighbouring country
and complained about all this jokes about surds that
others tell each
other.
"This leads to the impression that all surds are
stupid," they said.
"You should not take this so earnest," answered the
neighbouring
minister.
"These are only jokes and not true stories. And there
are also stupid
people in our country. I will prove it to you."
Saying so he went to his driver and said: "Please
drive to my home and
find out, whether I am at home. "The driver
immediately went on his
way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: ""He is very
stupid indeed.
There is a public phone just at the corner. It would
have been easier
to ring."

-=-=-=-=-=-

A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper.
Once he was
travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway
department
improvements.His coach was the last coach in the
train. The train was
moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking
heavily. This made
him not to prepare for the speech.
Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his
first point towards
improvement of railway department was "There should
not be last coach
in any train."
from
gokhale sir

santa singh

Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the
Passport size photograph of
his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down
from his pocket.He started
searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the
bus. Politely,he asked the saree
clad female,standing in front of him,"Can you lift that saree? I
wanna take a photograph" The
rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in
a hospital. He was surprised
to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a still worse
condition. Banta started to explain his
"Adventure".
He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high
level of intelligence, couldn't
finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that
place. He couldn't find any Hotel
. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can
stay there for the night.
The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow
you to stay". He approached
the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the
night.The Owner replied,"I have
3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay". He went
towards the next house and
without taking any risks,asked," Do you have "grown up"
daughters?".
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied,
" I wanted to stay here for a night..... "

Shayari

Draupadi ka vastraharan
dushasan ko pada bhari
Draupadi ka vastraharan
dushasan ko pada bhari
saari mein saari
parag saari!

Joron ki baarish
makes u wonder...
zoron ki baarish
makes u wonder...
is this what they call..
taste the thunder!

Manoj named Kapil,
Paaji was very brave
Manoj named Kapil,
Paaji was very brave
palmolive da jawab nahi
boy he had a close shave!

Har taraf tera jalwa
har taraf tera jalwa
from VT to churchgate
from Dadar to Kalva

Jab tota hua dirty
tote se boli myna
Jab tota hua dirty
tote se boli myna
don't u worry
surf excel hai na!

Prabhakar ki kahani
wonder ki baat hai,
Prabhakar ki kahani
wonder ki baat hai,
sach kya hai
yeh to andar ki baat hai!

ladka bola :
kash ein hasinao ke baap mar jate,
bahana gam ka hota, hum inke ghar to jaate.
Ladki boli:
Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga,
kisi din tu bhi kisi hasina ka baap hoga.

Irshaad.....Irshaad..............

Ladki boli:
Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.

Ladka bola :
Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.

Irshaad....Irshaad...................

Bewafa sanam se to cigrattee achi hai,
Bewafa sanam se to cigrattee achi hai,
Dil jalati hai, par hoto se to lagti hai.

things to ponder

I am thankful
For the teenager who is not doing dishes but is watching T.V., because that
means he is at home and not on the streets
For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have been
surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough
to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am out in the
sunshine.
For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that
need fixing, because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means that
we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it
means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with
transportation.
For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church that sings off key, because it means that I
can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to
wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I
have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means
that I am alive.
And finally.......
For too much e-mail, because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.
from sriram

sardar santa

JOKE NO. 1
Friend: What are you looking at?
Banta Singh: I know your Password, hee, hee.
Friend: all right, what is my Password if you saw it?
Banta Singh: four asterisks!


JOKE NO. 2
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Banta Singh: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Banta Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've
just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!


JOKE NO. 3
Banta Singh:(crying)the doctor called,my mom is dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Banta Singh cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Banta Singh: my sister just called, her mom died too!


JOKE NO. 4
Banta Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Banta Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't
know the alphabet yet!!


JOKE NO. 5
Santa Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an
elevator for 4 hrs.because of a power failure.
Banta Singh: Thats all right, me too...I got stuck on
the escalator for 3 hrs.


JOKE NO. 6
Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching
high and low, all over the living room.
She asked him: "What are you so frantically
searching?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden
cameras here?"
Santa: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on
television saying ...'You are watching the Star World
channel'? "How can he know what I am watching?"

sardar once again

80,000 Sardarji's meet at the Jalianwala Bagh for a "Sardarjis Are
> Not Stupid Convention."
>
> Santa Singh, the emcee says, "We are all here today to prove to the
> world that Sardarjis are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
>
> One Sardarji steps up. Santa Singh asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
>
> After 15 or 20 seconds, he says, "Eighteen."
>
> Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 sardarjis
> start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
>
> Santa Singh says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting
> 80,000 of you here and the world wide press, I guess we can give him
> another chance"
>
> So he says, "What is 5 plus 5?"
>
> After nearly 30 seconds, the sardarji eventually says, "Ninety?"
>
> Santa Singh sighs, everyone is crest fallen and the sardarji starts
> crying. 80,000 sardarjis start yelling, "Give him another chance!
> Give him another chance!"
>
> Santa Singh, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
> eventually says, "Ok! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"
>
> The sardarji closes his eyes and after a whole minute eventually
> says, "Four."
>
> Around the stadium 80,000 sardarjis start yelling "Give him another
> chance! Give him another chance!"

Bill_Clinton

One day Bill Clinton is riding in his Limousine and he said to the
driver, "You know, I used to love driving very much when I was
young, and I haven't done it for a long time. Why don't you let me drive
for once."The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can't say no to this guy,
he's the president." So the driver pulls over and they change
places . Bill was having fun, zooming down the freeway, dodging and
overtaking cars.After a while the driver taps on the window and tells Bill, "Mr
President, slow down a bit. You're doing over a hundred and fifty miles
an hour." Bill says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the President."
So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast.
After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the
car and Bill rolls down the tinted window and says: "Do you know who I am?"
The cop sees the President and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you
hold on a minuteBill says, "sure"
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He
says "guys I just pulled over some one very important, and I need
advice on how to handle this."They ask who, "The mayor?"
"No, much more important.""The governor?""more important.""The President?"
"No, even more important.""Well, who is it?"
"I don't know, but Bill Clinton is his chauffeur."

Real_love

Real Love!!

BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.

BOY : I can't leave you..
GIRL : Do you love me so much??
BOY : It's not that. You're standing on my foot.

BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away??
BOY : Were you away??

GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?
BOY : What time was it??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

GIRL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed , I couldn't speak for an hour..
BOY : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

GIRL1 : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
GIRL2 : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

From
Rajesh

sardar mazaydar

> Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his
cigarette butt down the
> manhole and tried to step on it
> _____________________________________________
> A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway.
Asks a bystander as to
> why are the guys doing what they are doing.
> The bystander: A Marathon race is going on Sardar
> What do they get from that?
> Bystander: The winner will get a prize.
> Sardar: Then why are the others running?!
> _________________________________________________
> A sardar and an American were walking outside when
the American said "Oh,
> look at the dead bird."
> The sardar looked towards the sky and
said"Where,where?"
>
_______________________________________________________
> Sardar: I was born in the Punjab.
> Friend: Oh really, what part?
> Sardar: All of me, silly.
>
_____________________________________________________
> Yoginder : What is ANOTHER difference between a
MOSQUITO and a FLY?
> Sukhbinder : A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot
MOSQUITO !
>
________________________________________________________
> Sukhbinder : Tell me five FERROCIOUS animals you can
think of...
> Yoginder : 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.

Santa

>
> Santa was driving his brand new Porsche on a highway in Australia (speed
limit of 110 kmph) when suddenly Banta came alongside in his brand new
Ferrari.
> Banta said, Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!! and sped away.
>
> Santa was a bit annoyed and pushed his foot down. The car sped to 120 kmph
and overtook Banta. But after a few minutes Banta again came alongside. And
Banta said, Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!! and again sped away.
>
> Santa increased his speed to 130 kmph and again overtook Banta. And again
Banta came alongside within a few minutes. Banta said, Kabhi Ferrari
chalayee hai?!! before speeding away.
>
> And so it went until Santa realised that he was now travelling at 200
kmph, well above the speed limit. He decided to act wise and slow down and
let Banta act crazy. And then he noticed in his mirror that Banta had
crashed into the bushes.
>
> Santa stopped and went upto Banta with a smile thinking it was now time
for him to ridicule Banta. He asked with sarcasm, Kabhi Ferrari chalayee
hai?!!
>
> Banta replied with dismay, Nahee chalayee hai. Tabhi to pucch raha tha, ki
BREAK kithhon hai...
>

shadi

Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable old
Brahmin to ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he
goes "I have heard that your daughter has all the good qualities of a
Bahu"?
The old brahmin answered "Haan !! More that that, she is Sundara Vati
and Padma Vati"
"But can she cook and keep house"? Asked the young man
"Oh yes, she is Dharma Vati" answered the old man
"Now, can she sew"? asked the young man
"Oh yes yes, she can not only sew, but she is KalaVati " answered the
old man
"What about her education"? Asked the young man
"She is Vidya Vati" answered the old man
".... And the Vedas"? Asked the young man
"Oh yes yes , she is Veda Vati" answered the old man
The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets
married to her.
Two days later he comes back with his newly married bride in tow. The
old Brahmin is surprised.
He asks "What happeded son"? Why do you look so upset?
The young man says "Well sir you told me that your daughter is
SundaraVati, PadmaVati, DharmaVati, Kala Vati, IdyaVati and
VedaVati.
But you did'nt tell me that she is also "GARBHAVATI" also!!

intelligent answer

Never Argue with an Intelligent
Woman


A couple went on vacation to a fishing
resort up north. The husband liked to
fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked
to read. One morning the husband
returned after several hours of fishing
and decided to take a short nap.

Although she wasn't familiar with the
lake, the wife decided to take the boat.
She rowed out a short distance anchored,
and returned to reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat.

He pulled up alongside her and said, "Good
morning, Ma'am. What are you
doing?" "Reading my book," she
replied...as she thought to herself, Isn't it
obvious? "You're in a restricted fishing
area," he informed her.

"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you
see that?" "Yes, but you have all the
equipment. I'll have to take you in and
write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to
charge you with rape," snapped the irate
woman. "But, I haven't even touched
you," groused the sheriff. "Yes, that's
true," she replied, "But you do have all
the equipment."
from
kavita

use when ur needed

>Dilbert's Words of Wisdom - Use them as Needed....
>
>1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow's
>not looking good either.
>
>2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make
as
>they go flying by.
>
>3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without
it.
>
>4. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
>statue.
>
>5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the
>first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
>
>6. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
>
>7. My reality check bounced.
>
>8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
>
>9. I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier...
>
>10. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through
peanutbutter!
>
>11. Everybody is somebody else's wierdo...
>
>12. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then

>beat you with experience.
>
Regards,

Sriram V

sherlock holmes & watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good
meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to
sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson,
look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see
millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute."Astronomically, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I
deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small
and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I supect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you dickhead.
Some bastard has stolen our tent."
from
rajesh

full form`s..

Hi Folks,
>> Here are some cute full forms.......
>> Have fun and hope u like it.......
>>
>> H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
>>
>> I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.
>>
>> L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
>>
>> F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End
>>
>> C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.
>>
>> B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.
>>
>> N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.
>>
>> I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration.
>>
>> K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
>>
>> C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into
>> Attraction.
>>
>> K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.
>>
>> M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
>>
>> P.E.R.U. - Phorget Everyone... Remember Us.
from
ashish

chinese interview

Sun Tim Wong: Chinese Inter-whew!

Sum Ting Wong went for a job interview to be a secretary.

When the manager saw Sum Ting Wong's colourful attire and gold &
white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming " NOT THIS WOMAN ".

Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Sum Ting Wong.
So he told Sum Ting Wong, "If you could form a sentence using the words
that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance!. The words are
GREEN,
PINK, YELLOW,BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK".

Sum Ting Wong thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone GREEN
GREEN, GREEN,

then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW....BLUE's that ? WHITE did
you say?

Aiyah, wrong number, lah....Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call
BLACK, ok?
Thank You."

The Manager fainted.
from
ashish

santa singh from sharu

Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to
Punjab by train.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife
the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train
compartment.

The train stopped at one of the stations on the way
back and the son asked Santa Singh to bring him a Cadbury's
chocolate. When Santa and his son returned they found that a
South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his
son's berth. Upset and angry, Santa Singh called the Ticket
checker asked him to help.

The Ticket checker said that he could not understand
Hindi or Punjabi so it would be nice if Santa Singh explained
the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of
my wife is not giving birth to my child."

bush vs parves

>>> >George Bush and Pervez Musharraf are sitting in a bar.
>>> >A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that
>>> >George and Parvez?"
>>> >The barman says "Yep, thats them."
>>> >So the guy walks over and says, "Hello,
>>> >what are u guys doing?"
>>> >And George Bush says, "We're planning war
>>> >against Afganistan" And the guy says, "Really? What's going
>>> >to happen?"
>>> >And Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Afgans
>>> >and one bicycle repairman."
>>> >And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!" So Bush
>>> >turns to Musharraf and says, " See, I told you no-one
>>> >would worry about the 14 million Afgans!"
>>> >

gavaskar

Sunil Gavaskar was very happy when found out that a movie
called "Gavaskar" was released in Australia.
He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once.
With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very
happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out
of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director
of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this?
You named your movie `Gavaskar`, but didn't show
anything about me in it!". The director of the movie
laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem?
You people too made a movie called `Border`, but did
you show anything about Allan Border in it?"

santa on picnic....

> Subject: Santa Singh in panic.....
> >
> > One day sardarji was sitting in his office
> > on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man
> > came running in to his office and shouted
> > "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident"
> > sardarji was in panic.
> > Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window
> > while comming down when he was near the tenth floor
> > he remembered he didn't have a daughter named preeto.
> >
> > when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was
> > not married.
> >
> > when he was about to hit the ground he remembered
> > he was not Santa Singh.

all in a name

Once it so happend in a flight that, James bond was
sitting besides a Telugu guy... Both were traveling to US.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know ur name please?"
James Bond: "I am Bond.. James Bond."
James Bond: "and you?"

Telugu Guy: "I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai..
. Laxminarayana Siva, Venkata Sai... Srinivasula Laxminarayana
Siva, Venkata Sai... Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva,
Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula
Laxminarayana Siva, Venkata Sai... Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva, Venkata Sai.."

James Bond FAINTS.

Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.

Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.

Interviewer: Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh: Ok
Interviewer: Made in India
Banta Singh: Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer: Keep it Up
Banta Singh: Put it Down
Interviewer: MaxiMum
Banta Singh: Maxi Dad
Interviewer: Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh: Don't take my seat
Interviewer: Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh: Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer: I say you get out!
Banta Singh: You didn't say I come in
Interviewer: I reject you!
Banta Singh: You Appoint me
Interviewer: ....!!!!!!!